Week 7, Day 4 - My Birthday (Well, tomorrow, anyway)

Alas, I come to this point.  Week 7 of my unemployment--my crossroads-- my turning point.  Did you know that I finished my book?  My collection of these little essays.  I envisioned that the whole world would have looked at them by now and that everyone would love them.

I thought for sure the system would have crashed under the sheer weight of demand.  No such luck.  I average about 900 hits a year.  I have some regular readers, whom I cherish, and some irregular readers, whom I also cherish.  Readers who stop by when prompted or cajoled into it by some Facebook posts or link.  I am left to myself to blow my own horn.  If not me, then who?

But I digress.  Alas, I come to this point.  My crossroads, my turning point.  I try to continue on the path of these past 20 years.  Do I continue as a technical writer or is their some alternative career path hidden around some unforeseen corner?  "Am I to be the hero of my life, or is that station to be held by someone else?"  I must choose.  I MUST CHOOSE.  I cannot let anyone else determine the course of my life.

Each day I wait.  I wait for the e-mail, for the phone call, text, or any new information.  On the days when there is no new information I find myself looking for new channels.   New paths of creativity.  New career choices to make.  Some of them may be a stretch, but some are not beyond the realm of reality.  I can do that.  Just give me the chance.  I just need to get out of the house.  This searching is driving me bonkers. I am a worker.  I need to be busy.  I am a doer and I find it difficult to wait for others to finish their work for me to do mine.  And yet, I must wait to find out.

So, on this 27th day of July, in 2017, I find my impatient self waiting for news.  Waiting for the chance to redeem myself, to re-make myself into my own hero.  I don't want to be a superhero.  Just a plain regular, everyday hero who works for a living, pays taxes, lives the good life and helps his fellow man in some small, unrewarded, unremarkable way.   I am not asking much.

D.

Week 6, Day 4.

I set my alarm to wake this morning shortly after my wife left for work.  Busy day ahead. I had lots of plans. (No, not really.) But I kept hitting the snooze.  And I fell back into some deep rem sleep.  Must have needed it. Or maybe just wanted it.  At any rate, got out of bed and hit the computer.  So there you have it.  No motivation, no inspiration. 

And in the middle of writing this little ponder, I went downstairs to have some breakfast.  I had an old coffee cake recipe of my mom's.  Decided to make some comfort food.  And coffee.

During breakfast, I was watching inspirational videos on my phone.  (Who doesn't do that?  Be honest!) There are so many.   One popped up of that deaf singer on AGT, Mandy Harvey, (Mandy Harvey).  "It's not the dream I always had, but it's okay.  I showed up."  There you go.  If she can overcome her challenges, I can certainly rise out of my little funk.  There.  Done.

Just look around your great beautiful world.  There is inspiration everywhere. I look to my own family.  My brother's widow and her kids.  They are embracing life, in all its sadness, to find the joy and inspirations that keep them going.  The love of family, the joy of new life and new experiences.

I look to my cousin fighting cancer.  I see him looking at new ways to regain his strength.  I see so many family members struggling through life.  I see their struggles and I look at mine.

What do I have to complain about?  I have my health (reasonably so).  I have a loving wife. I have two beautiful kids who make me proud everyday.  I have money saved and a great many places to go and dreams to dream.  And I am doing okay with my prospects. Something will turn up, I am sure. Keep the optimism in your  life.  Hope springs eternal.  The future is a matter of the choices you make today.  Make the right ones and your future will take care of itself.   Good luck everyone.

A Poet's Paper Scraps

Poor Dany

I think I scared the kitty cat.
I think I scared her twice.
Once when I was being mean,
And once when I was being nice.

C. 2017 D. Normand

Notes from my desk cleaning - 2017

I find myself with a lot of time to clean my office.  These days, my unemployment days, I have perfected my schedule.  I wake, have coffee and breakfast, then hit the computer looking for work.  Some days I am lucky and find two or three jobs to which I can apply.  I update resumes and cover letters to match those chosen jobs and send off the applications.  Then, I wait.  This process usually takes until noon.  Time for lunch and then to wait to see if the applications actually took.

In the afternoon check my e-mail, usually auto-responses that my applications were received.  I print out that email and put that copy in my work seeking binder and note the company and job on my desk calendar.  Then, usually by 1:00 pm I am free.  I clean my desk and office, or go do some household chores, laundry, kitchen cleanup, yardwork.   That is my schedule, Monday thru Friday.  Broken only by phone calls and the occasional interview. 

During one of the desk cleaning days, I found some notes from probably 2006 or 2007.  I guess my wife and I took the kids to the local elementary school "country hoedown":

"Some of the children I had known since they were babies.  It is a beautiful thing to be able to watch them grow up.  There is a certain freedom in their play and ease of expression.

I also found a little quatrain.  I probably wrote this about the same time.  I noticed that it was getting more and more difficult to get moving in the morning.

'I'm sorry,' he said as he rose this morn,
An old body ached and worn.
The quickness, gone as fast as the years,
The friends, lost in death, as well as the fears."

Maybe I will use that in a poem some day.  Or maybe some thoughts like it.  Who knows?

 

Week 5, Day 1

The title says it all.  This lay-off is not as bad as the other two.  I have prospects.  I have had several interviews.  Several companies are interested.  I have had a lot of experience in my field and my resume has been updated to note that.  I am ready. 

And yet, my fate is in other's hands.  Other people are set to make the decision about my future.  Not the way I envisioned it at this point in my life, but so be it.  I shall be patient and see where that virtue takes me. 

I am ready again to devote the energies of my career to the next employer to hire me.  A new job will not have as steep a learning curve as my last one.  I am ready.  Just let me at it.