Depression

There was a time in my life when I felt depressed. There were a variety of reasons for that. Life is tough and we can’t be happy all the time. It just doesn’t work that way. There are a lot of things that are beyond our control. And I got depressed. It was never a serious depression, but I needed someone to talk to. I had no one. I am married but at the time my wife was going through her own pain. I could not talk to her. I needed her and I missed her. Her father lay in a hospital suffering from several diseases from which he would never recover and I could not talk to her about my own selfish little sadness.

I admired the man. I respected him. I went to him and asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage. I thought it the honorable thing to do. I admired his faith and how strong it was. I admired all the things he had done in his life. And I miss him. That was why I was there for my wife. She needed a strong shoulder to cry on and I tried to give her that. I hope I gave her that.

He died in August, amost two years ago. And I thought about him the other evening (I actually think of him quite often). My wife had rented a movie with a story line about a father’s death and his leaving behind two adult children struggling to get by in a world with too few opportunities. In the story the daughter asks the son to pick up the ashes because she can’t handle it. It reminded me of an old Kris Kristofferson song lyric, "Who’ll be there to bring the body home" ("Star Spangled Bummer (Whores die Hard)"from the "Spooky Lady Sideshow" 1974 album). That line says a lot about a life. What do you leave behind you when you go? And who do you leave to pick up the pieces? Several days after his death my wife and I went to pick up her dad’s ashes from the funeral home. We were asked to transfer them, to drive them to the cemetery where they would be interred next to his parents. I remember that I felt an overwhelming gratitude at being allowed to offer him this final courtesy. I felt honored.

As for my depression, I got over it. There are more important things in life than to let a little sadness overwhelm you. Count your blessings. I am lucky to have many. I hope that you have many too.